A Letter

My eyes land on your moving hands, my mind secretly hoping your eyes can catch mine. I wish we could stay like that, pause the time, and never move on. The feeling of adoring you drives me insane as if it can easily swallow me or break my bones into pieces. Well, it shouldn’t be violent like that. The word us should be something soft, warm, and pleasant. The word us should be a feeling of comfort and tenderness.

               Sometimes I appreciate this feeling of love, especially when I dare to talk to you first. It makes me happy when you talk back. I can just listen to your words and absorb the positive energy you store in the sentences. The feeling of love motivates me to go to school even when I know there’s a test coming up. I will tell myself you will be in the same classroom as me while I take the test. Perhaps we’ll be stuck on the same question but figure it out in our minds at once. Perhaps we’ll stand up together and turn in our tests while feeling relieved. However, sometimes I dislike this feeling of love, especially during the times when I step into the classroom but you are not in sight. I will wonder where you are and whether you are well or not. I think about you constantly, as if there’s nothing more to care about. In my heart, I want you to look at me. I want you to tell me to pay attention to the work in front of me instead of losing track of time while watching you write. I want you to ask me about my day. I want you to talk to me about your friends and what they are like. Anything. I want you to talk to me, start a conversation with me. I want you to make the butterflies in my stomach flap harder, stronger. I don’t want us to be so calm. I wish for the waves between us to get bigger, so big that they can devour me and pull me into the ocean of love.

               Behind your smiles, I see endless sunlight that can help the plants in my body grow. My heart pumps like the clock ticking, but it grows faster and faster. It’s the power of your attractiveness. I can already see a life of mine that has you in it. A life that makes the world brighter. Yes, there is too much about you to be exaggerated, but so what? Nobody can understand the joy of having you in my life, the joy of having the chance to look at you during class, the joy of knowing you. Only I can be the one describing what we are like. Only I can guess what we will be like in the future.

               I want to meet your eyes with only endearment, and when you look back at me, I can see them in your eyes, too.